Lost Son, Lost Love
by Paige M. Carter
Summary: When Tim Speedle died, he left behind more than a devastated team, he left behind his boyfriend, Ryan Wolfe. Now Ryan has to pick up the pieces of his life and chase the dreams he and Tim had dreamed for themselves. Will have Mpreg! Disclaimer: Not mine, don't sue!
1. Lost Son

Note: Yes, it's another 'Speed and Ryan were lovers' story. I'm rewatching CSI: Miami from the beginning(Thank God for Netflix) and this demanded to be written. Each chapter will be one episode starting with 3x01 - Lost Son. This story takes place in a world where men can get pregnant.

Chapter 1: Lost Son

Ryan frowned as he heard Tim's phone chirping. They were on vacation and had planned to chill out around the house and maybe hit the beach.

"Don't answer that," he mumbled, not wanting to lose Tim to his crazy job.

"I've got to, babe," Tim said, grabbing the phone. "Horatio wouldn't call me in if it wasn't important. Yeah." He listened to the voice and nodded, "On my way." He hung up and turned to Ryan, "A boat hit a bridge, H needs me to come in." At Ryan's pout, he smiled, "You know H'll comp me for the lost day." He kissed him and slid out of bed, pulling on his clothes. A few minutes later, Ryan heard the Ducatti roar away.

He spent the day lounging around the house, keeping an ear on the police scanner they kept in the house. Mostly, it was the usual chatter, then he heard the words that changed his world forever.

"_All units. Shots fired. Officer down, McCauley Jewelers."_ The rest of the words faded over the rush of blood in his ears and the fears of every cop and firefighter's spouse/significant other/partner flooded over her: Shots had been fired and an officer was down. He tried to tell himself that it couldn't be Tim, there were hundreds of officers in the MDPD, it could be anyone, but his guts were in a knot and that knot only tightened when he heard that the ME had been called.

He spent the next few hours sitting in the living room, trying to quell his panic. He and Tim always called each other when there was an officer-involved shooting to reassure each other that they were okay, and Tim hadn't called. He told himself that it was probably because an officer-involved shooting trumped the bridge thing and Tim was the top Trace/Footprints person in the lab, but he'd never failed to call him before, no matter how busy he was.

Then he heard a car pull up and the sound of feet coming up the walk. Opening the door, he saw the thing that no one ever wants to see: Aaron Jessup and a chaplain were coming towards him.

"No!" The tears he'd been holding back all day slid down his face.

"I'm sorry, Ryan," Aaron said, his face sad, "Tim didn't make it."

Ryan sank against the door frame. "I knew something was wrong when he didn't call me. We always call each other after an officer-involved shooting to tell each other that we're okay." Suddenly, something occurred to him, "Why are you here? I thought someone would be contacting Jack and Diane." For all its stylish modernity, Miami still had a lot of old-fashioned Southern values and one of them was that unless an officer had a spouse listed, the parents were contacted first. Never mind that he and Tim had been living together for three years, they weren't married and therefore, the department wouldn't contact him.

Aaron smiled a little, "Lieutenant Caine will be calling them, but everyone wanted to make sure you were contacted."

He smiled, "I appreciate that." He knew that Tim would probably get a full honors burial, his parents would get the flag and his honors, but he still needed to call them. "Do you want to come in for a drink? It's awfully hot out here."

Aaron shook his head, "No. I know you've got things to do. Chief told me to tell you that you've got bereavement leave, long as you need. He'll take care of the paperwork."

Ryan nodded, "I appreciate that, thank you, and tell the chief thanks for me too."

After Aaron and the chaplain left, he drifted to the phone and dialed Tim's parents in Queens.

"Ryan? I was just getting ready to call you. Did you hear about Tim?" Diane's voice was choked and hoarse.

Ryan smiled through his tears, "Yeah, someone from the department sent a detective Tim knew and a chaplain to tell me."

"We'll be coming down as soon as they'll let us collect Tim's body," Diane said. "Lieutenant Caine said that won't be until after the investigation's over."

Ryan nodded, "Yeah, there'll be an IAB investigation on top of the criminal one and after that, they'll release Tim's body." The thought of Tim being simply a piece of evidence now was more than he could bear.

"Thank you for clarifying that. My hearing shut off when Lieutenant Caine told me," Diane said. "Why didn't he call you first?"

Ryan sighed, "For all the glitz, Miami is still old-fashioned about some things. We weren't married, so they wouldn't call me. The chief is making sure that I get bereavement leave, though."

"That's good. We'll probably stay in a hotel when we come."

"You don't have to do that, Diane. I can make up the guest room for you and Jack."

"You don't have to do that, Ryan. I know you have things to do."

They talked for a few more minutes before Ryan hung up. He walked around their-HIS home, the small Mediterranean Ranch home they'd been renting from his uncle Ron. This was the home they'd planned to build a life together in, and maybe raise a family together. Now, he was alone, Tim would never come home to him again, he'd never bitch about the stupid bystanders, or suspects, or their lawyers, or some other aspect of his job. He knew that Tim had loved his job, in spite of his complaints and he'd been looking forward to working with him in the lab, but now that dream was gone.

The next few days passed in a blur, Diane called him to say that they'd caught the people responsible for Tim's death and the case that had caused him to be in that jewelry store in the first place. Jack and Diane came down from Queens and stayed at the house. The funeral he barely remembered, no one but his patrol friends really paid any attention to him anyway. He knew Tim would've hated the full honors funeral he got, he always hated showy things like that. He sat next to Jack and Diane at the grave service and tried to hold on to his composure as the ceremony went on, the gun salute that made him cringe, the flag going to Diane and having to leave Tim in the cemetery all alone.

They were quiet as they left the cemetery, what was left say? Tim was gone and now they had to go on without him. Ryan knew that he'd never find another man he loved as much as Tim, and right now, he wasn't sure he wanted to do anything but curl up in their bed and never move again.

TBC


	2. Pro Per

Chapter 2: Pro Per

Before he knew what was happening, two weeks had passed since Tim had died. Jack and Diane had gone home to Queens a few days after Tim's funeral, taking just a few items from Tim's childhood that they'd wanted to keep. Diane had insisted that Ryan keep the flag and Tim's honors, as well as the Ducati.

Now, the full weight of Tim's death hit him. He left Tim's clothes and belongings in what had been their bedroom and moved into a guest room. He kept a few pictures out, but just about everything that reminded him of Tim was stashed away.

He'd tried to convince his uncle to let him move out and rent the house out to someone else, but Uncle Ron had refused.

"You've always wanted a family and you need a house for a family. If I let you move out, you'll give up on that, get too busy with your career." Ryan tried to point out that people in apartments had families all the time, but his uncle had been unmoved, so he stayed.

He'd called the Day Shift Watch Commander to tell him that he'd be in the next week. The Watch Commander had been surprised but had agreed to put him on the schedule. Ryan was moving on.

Ryan walked into the squad room to hushed whispers and stares. He steadfastly ignored them and went about his day like his world hadn't ended in a hail of bullets three weeks ago. A few people came up to give their condolences, but mostly everyone left him alone.

He got through the day with little trouble and was filling out his end-of-shift paperwork, when Yelina Salas walked up to his desk.

"Ryan? Could I talk to you for a second?"

Ryan nodded, he knew Yelina vaguely, mostly through Tim. She was nice, but the fact that she was dating the head of IAB made Ryan nervous.

Yelina sat down on the edge of his desk, "I just wanted to know if you were still interested in becoming a Crime Scene Investigator?" At his surprised look, she smiled, "I know you've been taking the classes and Speed told me that you'd expressed an interest."

Ryan bit his lip, he really hadn't given it much thought. Deciding to come back to work at the police department had been hard enough, he hadn't given much thought to becoming a CSI. "I hadn't given it much thought lately, why?"

Yelina's smile turned sympathetic, "Well, Horatio's going to have to hire someone soon. There's only him, Calleigh and Delko and the three of them can't cover the whole day shift. If you were still interested, I could put in a good word for you."

Ryan took a deep breath, if he took her offer, he'd be replacing Tim, something he'd never even considered doing. That would make a bad situation worse, but the thought of working with the people Tim had always talked about and doing the job Tim loved tugged at him.

"Could you let me think about it?"

Yelina nodded in understanding, "Okay, don't wait too long, though. Horatio won't drag his feet forever."

As he drove home, Ryan thought about what Yelina had said. He'd wanted to be a CSI for a long time, but he and Tim had always planned on being CSIs together. If he took Yelina's offer, he'd be in the position of replacing his late boyfriend and he wasn't sure he wanted to deal with that kind of drama.

Still, chances to join the Miami Crime Lab didn't come every day, he might never get another chance. Tim wouldn't want him to give up on his dream just because of him. Tim was always saying how Ryan was too smart to be stuck in Patrol.

Suddenly, he realized that he was pulling into the cemetery where Tim was buried. He hadn't been here since the day of Tim's funeral, but he figured that given what had happened today, coming here would be the best thing. He walked over to Tim's grave and knelt in front of it.

"I can't believe it's been almost three weeks since you died, Tim, doesn't seem possible." He was quiet for several minutes, trying to find the words. Detective Salas came to me today and asked me if I was still interested in joining the Crime Lab. Said that Lieutenant Caine was going to have to hire someone soon since there were only three CSIs on day shift and it wasn't enough."

He sighed, "I don't know what to do, Tim. This is my big chance, but it means that I'll be replacing you and I don't want to do that, but I don't know if there's going to be another chance."

Ryan would never admit to another soul what happened, but he could've sworn that he felt a hand squeezing his shoulder, and he knew, Tim wouldn't want him to give up on his dream because of him.

He got to his feet and walked back to his car, feeling a lot better, he still wasn't sure how well this was going to go, but he had to give it a try. Tim would expect nothing less of him.


End file.
